In my heart, I know I am rebellious. My first impulse is often against authority, particularly when I do not understand where that authority comes from. This, I know, is from a tendency toward self-reliance. Yet I choose to be meek and obedient, working as a servant leader.

This seems contradictory, and to a certain extent, perhaps it is. But I prefer to see it as a work of the will, a surrender of self to what is required of me in the moment. God often works this way in our lives. He calls us by placing opportunities to follow him within the events of daily life. In every moment of decision, there is, for an instant, a tug-of-war between our rebellious minds and the call to serve, to love, and to surrender to his will for us. To trust is a decision.

“…be not rebellious like this house of rebellion, but open your mouth and eat what I shall give you. It was then I saw a hand stretched out to me, in which was a written scroll which he unrolled before me… and written on it was: Lamentation and wailing and woe!” (Ezekiel 2:8-10)

The quelling of our rebellious nature will not always give us what we expect. We may not be in for a good and easy life, or even a peaceful one, for we still live in a rebellious world. We may indeed receive more suffering, but we may also receive peace of mind and heart, and a dutiful sense of purpose that gives our lives meaning. God equips us to serve those Christ has placed in our lives during our journey of faith. Christ asks for our yes. Let us never give up trying to quiet our rebellious nature and become more open to the promptings of the Holy Spirit.

Let us pray

“Take back, I entreat you, your rebellious servant, my lord, most merciful father. By now I have suffered enough punishments, I have been enslaved long enough by your enemies, whom you have under your feet, I have been battered long enough by lies. Take back your servant as I flee from these things… I know I must return to you; let your door be open to my knocking; show me how to reach you… I come to you for the very things whereby an approach can be made to you, so that I might beseech you again. For the one whom you abandon is lost forever. But you do not abandon anyone, for you are the perfect good, which no one has rightly searched for and not found. All those who rightly search for you, you have caused to search rightly for you. Make me, Father, search for you; protect me from evil; and as I search, let there be nothing else for me other than you, I beg you, Father.” (The Rebellious Servant prayer from Saint Augustine of Hippo)